Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s Nuts

I ate Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s nuts. Better yet, her nuts are now in a Ziploc bag in my kitchen cabinet. (One of three. Life in a studio…oh, brother.) I’m going to put them in a jar and make a really snazzy label that says (can you guess?), Justice Ginsburg’s Nuts.

The Justice spoke at the cultural venue where I work, discussing her thoughts on being in the new PBS series The Jewish Americans. Justice Ginsburg is a Jewish American who eats nuts that people with warped minds then steal from the green room to make into craft projects.

Before the nut lovin’ Justice arrived, I passed through the green room and swiped a few nuts because I heard that she requests a very specific variety of nuts at speaking engagements. Elitist nuts are tempting, and I wanted to be able to say that Justice Ginsburg and I ate nuts out of the same bowl.

I wish I could tell you the exact make and model of Justice Ginsburg’s nuts, but a co-sponsor of the event took care of the Justice’s snacks and I didn’t feel right about asking, “So what kind of nuts does Justice Ginsburg go bananas for?”

During the program, I couldn’t help but say (silently) to the Justice, “Hey Ruth, I ate some of your nuts!” Then I laughed to myself (semi-silently). When the event was over, I returned to the (empty) green room and put the remaining nuts in a bag to take home.

I’ve been meaning to get a jar for Justice Ginsburg’s nuts but haven’t had time. It’s going to need to be a small jar, because I’ve been eating about three of Justice Ginsburg’s nuts (mainly cashews) per day. Something about chewing on Justice Ginsburg’s nuts makes me feel like they're magical pellets that will enhance the quality of my life and maybe – just maybe – allow me to reach success as a fellow, petite Jewish American with a penchant for all things nutty. I wonder how the Justice feels about nut butters.

Justice Stephen Breyer is speaking at my place o’ employment later next month. If I could get Justice Breyer’s nuts in a jar, that would be doubly satisfying and allow me to make inappropriate references because he’s, ya know, a man. I never thought the day would come when someone else’s nuts would take on such significance in my life.

A half-eaten jar of almond butter rests in my fridge. I ate the top half of those buttery nuts in one sitting. Story of my life.