Rumor 1: I went to inhale my favorite muffin last week, the oat bran edible wonder at Firehook Bakery. I enjoyed parts of it solo, parts of it dipped in ice coffee, all while reading my monthly alumni magazine (and getting it wet).
As I was getting up from the table to leave, one of the (male) cashiers said, “So did you have a girl or a boy?”
I heard him perfectly, so I said, “Whattt??”
“Oh, I guess I thought you were someone else…I’m sorry.” (said with an Oops… look on his face)
Not as sorry as I am for just having a carb-o-licious muffin. Story of my life. And he is someone who flirts with me (not tooting my horn – swear – if you could see him you’d understand) every time I frequent the shop (say once a week).
That day, I apparently looked post-natal. Yippie.
Rumor 2: I went to the dentist this morning. The hygienist said I was due to have the bite-wing X-rays. Ok, fine (rob me unnecessarily). As she held up the X-ray protection smock to lay over me (they can do the x-ray in the chair at this fancy-fancy place), she said, “Now is there any chance that you could be pregnant?”
“No,” I said aloud, “you f’ing bitch,” added internally.
This day, I apparently looked like I could be with child (or was overly sensitive to a routine question).
Looming misfortune of my life: Pregnancy rumors and I haven’t even kissed someone in X#*!@ months.
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2 comments:
Oh Jackie, I feel your pain. Twice in my adult life, people have asked me if I was pregnant. (Note: I have never been pregnant.) It is totally depressing.
At my mom's high school reunion, she ran into her old friend Pam, and said, "Oh Pam, you're pregnant!" Pam's reply: "No, just fat." My poor mom is still reeling from the guilt-wave.
Hey, I am so fat that people would think I am pregnant except that I am tooooooooo OLD!!!!! So, count your blessings...
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